


All I Ask

by mtvluke



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5sos aren't famous, Angst, Car Accident, Death, Falling In Love, Heartbreak, Love, M/M, Pining, Sad, Triggers, didn't end up that way, malum are not really mentioned, not edited, was supposed to based off somebody else by the 1975, written at like 1am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 23:12:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6630970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtvluke/pseuds/mtvluke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life isn't a romantic movie filled with happy endings and Luke is completely infatuated with someone who has found somebody else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Ask

This had probably been the fifth or sixth time he had asked his drunken friend to repeat the few words, not completely knowing if he was hearing the words that slipped through his plump lips right. His brain was flooded with confusion, making sure to go over any possibilities to prove the sentence was completely false.

He hadn’t known if it was the alcohol the replaced the blood in his veins or the booming music that made his head spin but his stomach was his churning making Luke instinctively clench his stomach and slip from the booth abandoning his beer that had become disgustingly warm from his tight grip on the glass. As he was walking he finally understood that as a matter of fact, he had heard his chocolate eyed friend correctly. But maybe it had been a lie.

Ashton wouldn’t have found someone that quickly would he have? It seemed like Ashton was almost indifferent about Luke’s feelings. He pushed through sweaty bodies, blue eyes searching for the helplessly for the exit. If Luke needed anything at the moment it was fresh air, and everyone moment he stuck around in this place the smell of sweat and alcohol grew and invaded his sense of smell. With every breath he could feel everything get tighter and close in on him and just before he was about to have a panic attack he had found the exit.

He may have had to shove a few people out of the way before throwing himself out of the door, chest heaving as he tried to collect oxygen and regain some in his lungs once again. He waved down a taxi knowing he would definitely not be able to drive himself home in the condition he was in at the moment.

Once he had made it into the taxi almost immediate guilt swelled in his chest like a weight pulling at his heart from the fact he had just left Calum alone in the club drunk off his fucking ass. Pale fingers fished his phone from his pockets, making sure to send Michael a text telling him Calum needed to be picked up from the bar immediately. Michael hadn’t been too pleased but agreed, nevertheless.

Now Luke hadn’t known why he told the taxi driver Ashton’s address because now he stood outside like a complete fool, hands nervously tugging at the blond strands making the slight quiff he gave himself for a night of partying go flat but it had become the least as of his problems.

His body was on autopilot, and before he knew it a hand had been brought up to the elegant door knocking a few times. He had heard some shuffling and a bit of laughter before the door opened.

Luke had so much he wanted to say. Yet now that he could see Ashton for himself all the words were held captive in his throat. The boy was just as beautiful as he remembered in the span of not seeing him for a few days. Gold curls fell and framed his face so perfectly, his jawline sharp and brushed with stubble. He was in his favorite basketball shorts and no shirt with made everything for Luke’s drunk mind a lot harder to slow down.

Hazel eyes were pooled with confusion and almost shock to see a drunk Luke with red dusted subtly on his cheeks. Luke had finally found some courage to in him to speak up with an excuse though his voice was in now way showing strength. It was frail and quiet.

“I needed to grab my guitar if you don’t mind.” Luke swallowed heavily as Ashton sent him a nod shuffling to the side as a passage for Luke was opened up. Luke sent him an acknowledging nod before stepping into the cozy house, the familiar scent bringing the familiar sickness bubbling up his throat.

As Luke walked further into his house he stopped in his tracks to see a stunning blond laying on the couch. And not even Luke couldn’t deny her beauty. Long beachy blonde hair and big brown eyes that looked like a doe’s. Her body was slim and toned. Even when she smiled Luke could understand what Ashton saw in her. As she introduced herself as Bryana, Luke couldn’t even focus. Yet he forced a smile and patiently waited as Ashton went to retrieve his guitar.

“This must be pretty awkward for you, I am really sorry. I know what you and Ashton had. I don’t mean to bring you any pain.” The girl had spoken and Luke couldn’t even take that fact that he couldn’t hate her. She had everything. She was kind, and beautiful. She had a smile that could light up New York City for the rest of eternity. Luke has simply brushed it off as Ashton has returned, carrying Luke’s guitar in one of his big hands. He passed it to Luke with an awkward clear of his throat.

“Thank you. Have a good night Ashton, Bryana.” And with that Luke was almost running out the door, stupid thoughts running through his head. Iridescent blue eyes filled to the brim with tears as he began to sob, holding back the urge to smash the guitar on the ground until it was as destroyed as his heart. Though he wasn’t even sure he could destroy his guitar to that extent. He walked along the street with guitar in a clammy hand, going over the thoughts in his head. If Ashton wasn’t going to love him then who was?

The next thing Luke had remembered was waking up in his bed, trying to rid of the pounding against his skull by pulling the fluffy blankets over his head and blocking out any light. He could feel waves of nausea take over his body, his shirt drenched with cold sweat that made him shiver in what was either disgust or the temperature. Luke guessed a mixture of both.

“Hey you’re awake.” Michael’s soft voice reeled voice from the covers, rubbing his eyes with a quiet groan.

“What the hell happened last night?” Were Luke’s first words to fall from his lips, morning voice gruff as he could still taste the alcohol on his breath he scrunched his nose up in distaste of the stale liquor.

“You didn’t come home. I decided to look for you the one place you go when you’re drunk. Found you passed out on a curb by Ashton’s house. You tell me what happened.” Michael handed Luke a few white pills and a glass of water, Luke could do nothing but accept them gratefully as he did need the medicine to take effect on his body. Luke tried to shuffle through the memories yet most was blacked out except one part he wished wasn’t.

“Calum told me. Why didn’t anyone say anything?” Michael looked taken aback from Luke’s word but guilt soon replaced his features, sitting down next to Luke on the bed, shaking his head as he began more interested in his fingers. Luke could tell by his body language he felt bad and was more or less sorry about having to hide it from him, especially knowing how important Ashton was to him.

“We didn’t want you to be upset, especially since you know. He’s with a girl now rather than boy, or you. Calum and I know how much he means to you but it just wasn’t the right time.” Michael’s voice was filled to the brim with pity and it made Luke cringe, he hated pity.

He sat up slightly but regret it the moment he did as he head began to spin, making him lay his head back down in defeat.

“I saw her last night. I remember that. She was gorgeous, Mike. I mean I can understand what Ashton sees in her. God and no one understands. I wanna hate her for making Ashton fall in love in, of course it isn’t her fault. It’s not Ashton’s either.” Luke struggled for the right words. But how can you have the right words if you don’t even have coherent thoughts?

Michael and him had exchanged a few words but as much as Luke wanted to care for them- he couldn’t find it in himself to feel anything at the moment.

A few months had passed since that incident. Luke could say he was feeling better but the lie was shattered every time they decided to hang out with each other and Bryana would tag along. Of course- Luke being himself would find a stupid excuse to slip away from the house and take a walk. The night would usually be bitter and cold but they slowly became warmer and soon enough Luke could walk around without a jacket.

On this particular night it had been incredibly warm, but Luke decided rather to slip away from the captivity of his heart pains from the couple who would exchange soft kisses and gentle giggles with a car.

Despite the warm temperature the summer rain had followed. When Luke had left he hadn’t expected it to be raining so hard. As Luke began to speed up and enter onto a bridge that stretched across the water beneath them his car started to lose friction and control as he spun, he lost count how many times after a truck had smashed into the side of his car. He remembers the sound of screeching metal and everything smelt like burnt rubber until something didn’t feel right.

Under any other circumstances Luke would’ve felt like a completely idiot but the shocked and fear overpowered any senses as his car toppled towards the river below them. Luke wanted to scream, he wanted to move and do something but he couldn’t. He would’ve sworn all nineteen years flashed before wide blue eyes. The impact made his head slam against the steering wheel causing damage to his frail body once again as a hand went to grasp at the impact sight.

Luke began to feel the cold water fill up his car, the deep depths of the river slowly pulling his car beneath the darkness. Wanting to engulf it and take it as it’s own. His feet shoes felt the first sense of the water as Luke’s bruised hand tried to crank open his window, multiple curses muttered as he was planning to take it into the shop to get fixed knowing that the passenger seat had been missing the crank itself. He knew it had been no use though. He sat in silence for a second or two, wondering all the times he’s messed up. All the things he forgot to do, forgot to say. Opportunities he missed. Even all the regrets he had.

The water had made its way to his shins now and he couldn’t help but pull out his cell phone in a stupid last minute decision. He found Ashton’s contact as quick as possible with shaky hands his throat began to swell with tears brimming on the edges of his eyes from the thought of talking to Ashton for the last time. He waited but there was no use, being sent to voicemail he began to start sobbing.

He couldn’t think of a worse situation, everything in this universe going against him. At this point Luke knew he was going to die, he was scared, worried, even unprepared. He did quite believe no one was ever prepared to give up life, not knowing what lies beyond life. He tried to rid himself of his thoughts, as his strained voice spoke into the speaker, the rushing water was up to his waist.

“Ashton hi. I, well, you see. I don’t have a lot of time. I just wanted to talk to you, I know you’re probably busy. I needed to say something before it’s too late,” Luke paused as he felt the tears begin to spill over the water only rising further up his frail body,” I love you, Ashton. I never stopped. I remember the day I found out about this entire thing I thought it was a lie. I couldn’t believe what Calum had said but I soon excepted it. I can’t stay on the phone for long. I’m sorry for whatever I did, for being so bitter about you being happy when I was only able to be happy with you, fuck.”

Luke used his free hand to try to unbuckled and shift around so he could get the maximum amount of air. The water was up to his chest now, making holding the phone more awkward. As he went to move he let out a cry of pain, searing hot pain. It shot through his leg and that’s when he lost it and began to sob vigorously.

“I’m sorry, Ashton. I am a coward, I didn’t ever deserve someone as amazing as you. I can’t stay, I can’t. Please,” He took a deep breath, knowing it’d probably be one of the last deep breaths he ever took before continuing, ”Tell Mikey and Cal that I love them too. Tell them to be careful and stay out of trouble for me okay? You too, no trouble. I have to go. I’m sorry, I love you. Goodbye, Ashton.”

By the time Luke ended the call the water had made it to his neck and he let the phone drop and sink in the water tiredly. The cold temperature of the water shot shivers through his spine as he took one last breath and let the water pull the car and him under. Luke said a prayer in his head and before anything else could happen he could see something. A beautiful light that was brighter than anything he had ever seen, and he knew it was time.

It was nearing 4am when they heard a knock on the door, Ashton and Bryana had been cuddled upon the couch together as Calum and Michael sat across the room from them, some stupid movie no one was paying attention to was just background noise. They all went silent as they were curious who it was but they had come to conclusion it had probably just been Luke who had forgotten his house keys when he left.

Ashton pulled himself to his feet, muttering a few curses about how irresponsible Luke was. Ashton was about to crack a joke to Luke about leaving without his key but the moment he pulled open the door he was surprised to see two officers standing in front of him.

“Excuse me, can I help you?” Ashton examined the two men, looking back towards the other three who were just as confused as Ashton and been from the weird event that had been occurring.

“Are you Ashton Irwin?” One officer had asked, Ashton furrowed his brow with nod while he began to lean his weight against the door.

This time the other officer spoke up,”We are very sorry to inform you that Luke Hemmings was in an automobile accident. It had been no one’s fault in the accident. We believe the rain made Luke lose control of the car and a truck had crashed into his car and pushed his car off the bridge. He was pronounced dead on the scene. I’m very sorry.”

Ashton couldn’t believe his ears, wondering what kind of sick and twisted nightmare he was having. He heard a sob which was believed to be Calum’s and one of Michael’s signatures comfort shushes from behind him but he began to tune everything out as it turned into a blur.

Everything happened so fast, and before he knew it he was running to his phone. How could he fucking be so foolish to have been away from his phone all night. He pressed the home button to see a missed call and voicemail from Luke. His heart crawled up his throat and camped out there as he pressed a shaky finger to listen to it.

_Ashton hi. I, well, you see. I don’t have a lot of time. I just wanted to talk to you, I know you’re probably busy. I needed to say something before it’s too late._

Ashton heard a small pause and the background noise of water that made him feel sick, the tears beginning to free fall and stroll down his cheek.

_I love you, Ashton. I never stopped. I remember the day I found out about this entire thing I thought it was a lie. I couldn’t believe what Calum had said but I soon excepted it. I can’t stay on the phone for long. I’m sorry for whatever I did, for being so bitter about you being happy when I was only able to be happy with you, fuck._

Ashton couldn’t bring himself to listen to the rest, running to the bathroom and emptying the content of his stomach into the porcelain bowl. He didn’t even feel like this was real, it couldn’t be. Luke was fine. Luke wasn’t dead. And maybe someday Ashton would be able to listen to the entire voicemail.

Years passed, and Ashton had grown up quite a bit. Bryana and him had ended right after Luke’s death, knowing he couldn’t be with someone he had’t actually loved even if he thought he did. He remembered that she showed to his funeral though and made sure to hold his hand comfortingly as he sobbed and sobbed for what felt like hours. He remembered seeing Liz there, greeting the distraught family. Jack and Ben both had red eyes that were rimmed with puffiness.

One summer day, Ashton had made his way to Luke’s grave with a handful of daises. He remembers that Luke had said roses were completely and utterly disgraceful and overrated. The elder couldn’t disagree. He sat cross crossed in front of the tombstone, making sure the daises look pristine and neat.

“I talked to your mum today, she misses you. We all do. Yesterday Mike accidentally set a place for you to sit. You should’ve seen our faces. Of course we laughed it off, we had to. I passed by that 50’s diner we had our first date at the other day, made me miss you even more.”

Ashton took a heavy breath and looked around the cemetery, sending chills through his spine at the fact of how many bodies were underneath these grounds but he knew he was being complete irrational so he brushed it off with a shrug.

“I think- I know you’re in a better place. You’re waiting for me I hope and have forgiven me. One more thing Luke.”

Ashton placed a big hand on the tombstone and let his thumb graze of the engraving in the rock, a soft smile creeping onto his lips that he couldn’t help. He never did listen to the end of Luke's voicemail, he well knew why Luke had called him. He hadn't felt the need. The warm summer breeze felt good against his skin and the air felt a little lighter. He couldn’t help the chuckle that grumbled in his chest. His smile grew ever more making his dimples become prominent, his voice was soft and gentle just like the breeze as he whispered it only so Luke could hear the three words.

“I love you."

 

**Author's Note:**

> ok this is shitty because i wrote it at 1am and lost motivation like halfway through but forced myself to finish so woo enjoy!!


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